The title of this post is six words I never thought I would say. If you were to ask younger more arrogant me (The “girl” I was a mere 9 months ago) if she’d ever be supportive of someone who hit her, I would have laughed in your face. Most likely I would have proceeded to very arrogantly declare that I’d never tolerate a man who hit me and perhaps even that I would have done something drastic to ensure he never hurt me or anyone else again.
Ah yes, younger more arrogant me who had not lived through my last few months.
If there’s anything I’d hope to save someone else from learning the hard way that I have, it’s this, life is not black and white, don’t judge what you aren’t living no matter how much you think you know the truth. You don’t.
I don’t even know the truth of what I’m experiencing. I know my perception of it which is clouded with a lot of emotion.
Before I go on, to the people who are getting high blood pressure because no woman should ever support a man that hit her, let me say this. No person should ever lay their hands on another. Period. Relationship status, gender, age, sobriety, mental health — none of those factors justifies hurting another human being. Nor do they make it any “wronger” with the obvious exception of abusing a child. Physical violence is a stronger person enforcing their will on a weaker one. And I have no tolerance for that. However, life isn’t black and white, so here I am.
I’m not ready to blog about the details of what happened, I may do so in the future, but I will say that mental illness and addiction led both of us to behave in ways we would not have otherwise. And both of us are cleaning up our side of the street as best we can including sobriety, counseling and legal ramifications. And we believe we love each other and want this to work. Family Violence Court is hopefully going to help.
I’ve been reading up on the judge who will prevail over the court. He’s no joke. He has presided over some of the most heinous crimes our county has seen, including sentencing a serial killer to death. This intimidates and comforts me. There will be no bullshitting him. Either we are doing the right things, or not. And if not, we need to be called out so that we don’t ruin or end one another’s lives. This is one of the few times in my life I’m willing to surrender and say, “I’m not the expert, tell me what to do.”
So, I’m scared, hopeful and excited. I will share more as the experience unfolds.